The reason Jeffrey quit going to Mass

He had listened to a sermon, following every word
With the dogged determination only autism can foster
Hanging on every syllable, rocking back and forth in the pew
He learned about impure thoughts, about sinful desires
And he nodded, and nodded, nodded, feeling guilty

So he went home to his mothers house
And took the scissors from his bathroom drawer
Jeffrey took a deep breath,
And cut off his sinful balls.

"They could have saved them," he told me at the ward
"But I had flushed them down the toilet."
"Jesus!" I exclaim, cringing at the thought
"I almost bled to death," he tells me, eyes wild, embarrased -
"And that is why I don't go to service anymore."